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Family & Relationship Issues

Ask Dr. Schwartz
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Need Help in Building the Bridges

My husband and I have been married for more than 2 years now. You could say ours was a love marriage, since we knew each other for a while before we got married. We were not really dating. However, the decision to get married was entirely ours.

We come from completely different backgrounds - socially, economically and even emotionally. My husband shares a very close relationship with his mother and sister which I initially thought of as a very nice thing. However, it has now started to get in the way of our relationship. Ever since the marriage, I have always dealt with unpredictable behaviour from his sister and his mother. Every time I have been faced with bad behaviour from them, I have seen that my husband has never shown any support. I have never really expected him to fight with them, but sometimes, its essential for you to stand up for your partner when they need you to show them you care and you are always there for them. These feelings of security have never come from my husband.

So, sometimes I figured it's best to stand up for your own self. At such times, it has usually ended up in a bad or terrible fight with his mother and sister, where they even screamed and yelled at me. At these times, I have only felt more and more cornered.

I am otherwise a very outgoing happy go lucky kind of person. People also always complimented me on my confidence levels. But since the marriage, I feel like I am nobody and I feel complete lack of real love from my husband. Its emotionally stressing us out. I am also losing interest in anything I do. Every time I have tried to address my issues or my pain with my husband, mostly I have got the same reply, "there is nothing I can do as I will not go and fight with my sister or mother. I agree that they behave badly at times, but I cannot do much." And most of the times our efforts to have a calm conversation have been in vain. It has mostly turned out to be ugly, heated arguments and at times even resulting in my husband using bad abusive language towards me. He says he has only been provoked by my constant complaints.

I just feel like running away but I know that running away is not always the solution. My husband is too possessive about his sister and mother and always feels the need to protect them, do things for them, always at their beck and call.. but I don't feel I get the same kind of attention and care from him.

I am feeling very deprived and feel that the love is fading in our marriage. Because of our very different backgrounds, my vision of a married life is completely different to the real married life I am leading currently.... I have not been able to find fulfilment in any of my desires from being married... I am feeling completely shattered and don't know what to do.

I am discussing of therapy sessions. Can you also please suggest a good one?

Regards

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